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Friendship Breakups: Why They Hurt So Much & How to Heal From Them and Move On

Updated: May 7

Friendship breakups can be just as emotionally painful and challenging as romantic ones. Sometimes they hurt even more. They can leave you feeling heartbroken, betrayed, and lost. This emotional turmoil might leave you wondering why friendship breakups hurt so much and how you can heal from them. In this blog, we'll explore the psychological and emotional aspects of friendship breakups, and offer guidance on how to navigate these difficult experiences.


The Bonds That Bind Us


Friendships are not just casual connections; they're meaningful bonds between individuals. Psychologists suggest that friendships are built on emotional intimacy, trust, shared experiences, and a sense of belonging. These elements contribute to the formation of deep, meaningful connections with friends.


When a friendship breakup occurs, it can feel like the loss of a significant part of your life. According to attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, humans have an innate need for attachment and connection. Friendships can fulfill this need, and losing a close friend can trigger feelings of abandonment, leading to emotional distress.


Understanding the Pain

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To comprehend why friendship breakups hurt so much, let's delve into some key psychological factors:


1. Loss of Emotional Support: Close friends often serve as pillars of emotional support. When that support is suddenly withdrawn, it can leave you feeling vulnerable and emotionally exposed. Especially for folks who have friends who serve as their chosen family, the loss of a friend can feel heartbreaking.


2. Betrayal and Trust: Trust is a fundamental component of friendship. A betrayal or breach of trust by a friend can be deeply hurtful, as it challenges your perceptions of safety and security in the relationship.


3. Identity and Self-Worth: Friendships play a significant role in shaping our self-identity. When a friendship ends, it can shake your sense of self-worth, making you question your likability and value as a friend.


4. Shared Memories and Experiences: Friendships are built on shared experiences and memories. Losing a friend means losing a significant part of your history, which can be emotionally devastating.


Healing from Friendship Breakups


Now that we understand why friendship breakups hurt so much, let's explore strategies to heal and move forward:


1. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Just like with any loss, it's essential to give yourself permission to grieve. Acknowledge your feelings of sadness, anger, and betrayal. Suppressing these emotions can prolong the healing process.


2. Lean on Your Support System: Reach out to other friends, family members, or a therapist to share your feelings. Talking about your experiences can provide comfort and validation.

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3. Reflect and Learn: Take some time to reflect on the friendship and the reasons for its breakup. What lessons can you take away from this experience? Self-reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth.


4. Set Boundaries: If the friendship ended due to unhealthy dynamics or toxicity, use this opportunity to learn about setting healthy boundaries in future relationships.


5. Engage in Self-Care: Focus on self-care activities that nourish your mind and body. This might include exercise, meditation, journaling, or pursuing hobbies that bring you joy.


6. Seek Closure: Sometimes, it's helpful to have a conversation with the former friend to gain closure if possible. This can provide clarity and a sense of closure, allowing you to move forward.


7. Forgive, but Don't Forget: Forgiveness can be a powerful step in the healing process, but it doesn't necessarily mean forgetting the lessons learned or allowing toxic behaviors to persist.


8. Build New Connections: As difficult as it may be, gradually open yourself up to forming new friendships. While it may take time to trust again, remember that not all friendships will end in heartbreak.

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9. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Understand that experiencing a friendship breakup is a natural part of life, and it doesn't define your worth as a person.


10. Professional Help: If you find it challenging to cope with the emotional aftermath of a friendship breakup, don't hesitate to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor.


Remember that healing from a friendship breakup is a process that takes time. It's okay to feel the pain and sadness, but it's also important to take proactive steps toward healing and personal growth. By leaning on your support system, practicing self-care, and seeking professional help if needed, you can navigate the complex emotions of friendship breakups and emerge stronger on the other side. Ultimately, these experiences can teach you valuable lessons about yourself and the nature of relationships, helping you build healthier connections in the future. Interested in starting therapy? Take a chance on Boundless Therapy today and begin your journey for healing. Begin now.

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