Family for a lot of us, sits at the core of everything that makes us unique. When struggling with mental health issues, the support of those very family members is something we desire and often need. However, navigating the nuanced conversation about mental health with your parents can feel daunting. As a licensed therapist in New York, I have witnessed firsthand the benefits that come from honest and open dialogue about mental health among families, at the same time, I also extend great empathy around the apprehension, fears, and nerves that come with these conversations. This blog is designed to aid you as you navigate these conversations - helping you lead with confidence and compassion as you foster a collaborative and supportive environment for you and your family.
Why Should You Involve Your Family In Your Mental Health Journey?
What If One Or More Of Your Parents Is The Cause Of Your Mental Health Struggles?
If one or both of your parents are why you are struggling, consider some of these options. First, if you trust one parent, you can reveal how you are feeling to them and ask that parent to either withhold or share that information with your other parent. If you decide that it is safer for your parent to share this information with your other parent, discuss how you would like for this to be done and help them articulate your experience in the way you’d like for it to be shared.
If both of your parents don’t feel like safe objects - this could be an opportunity to talk to another trusted adult in your life – guidance counselors at school, and mentors at university are great for situations like this because they have a plethora of experience with students in circumstances similar to you and have resources at the ready to help. Other trusted adults in your social circle like an aunt, uncle, etc could help too - especially in terms of creating a plan for you to talk to your parents. Although talking to a trusted adult is not a replacement for the kind of support you desire from your parents, they can help lighten the emotional burden you are carrying.
If you are actively experiencing neglect or physical/sexual abuse inform a trusted adult or call Child Protective Services. You may also find benefit in visiting www.dorightbykids.org to learn more about the definitions of abuse and neglect, reporting, and what happens after you report abuse of any kind.
It Can’t Be This Easy, What Are The Challenges?
Before entering this conversation with your parents, we must recognize the potential difficulties that will arise preemptively. Parents, much like us, have their fears, and misunderstandings about mental health. Given this reality - it is essential that we approach the conversation with empathy and patience.
Unique Challenges for BIPOC and POC Communities
Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) communities face a unique layer of complexity when navigating these conversations. Generational trauma, cultural stigma, and experiences of medical racism cloud the conversation around mental health. BIPOC individuals also experience additional challenges - like the cultural pressures of resilience, and “strength”, an emphasis on mental fortitude, lack of minority representation in the mental health field among professionals, and a lack of trust in medical institutions due to chronic and historical discrimination (Alang et al., 2017).
Embracing Cultural Contexts and Nuances
Understanding the cultural context in which you and your parents were raised is also crucial – cultural traditions, folklore, and cultural practices shape perceptions of mental health. In many cultures, mental health problems are seen within a paradigm of spiritual illness, deeming them as a moral failing or spiritual disequilibrium, rather than medical conditions. Expressing your experiences in terms that fit your family’s culture can help you shape the conversation. The utilization of your family’s cultural metaphors or analogies might also help frame what they experience as completely foreign, as being slightly more familiar.
Preparing For The Conversation About Mental Health With Your Parents
Self-Educate: Understanding your mental health condition is the first step to your clarity and the clarity of your parents. For instance, the American Psychological Association (APA) and the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) can provide information and data about your particular condition. This will help you articulate the particularities of your condition and do so with greater confidence and accuracy.
Pick The Right Moment: You would be upset if someone chose a difficult moment in your day to share big news with you. Take that self-awareness to decide when the right time will present itself to you and your parents. Choose a time when both parties are most likely to be receptive: low stress, at home, not agitated, not rushed, and not distracted.
Create An Outline: Flesh out what you want to say – this might entail explaining your symptoms, the effect they have on you, and any support you might need. Practicing with someone you trust, like a good friend or a therapist, can also help you feel more confident.
"Sharing your mental health journey with your parents is a powerful act of courage and love, paving the way for healing and deeper connections."
Starting the Conversation
1. Start With Honesty And Vulnerability: Begin your conversation by emphatically sharing your appreciation, love, and gratitude for your parents. Let them know that it is because you love, respect, and trust them, that you need their support. For example “I love you guys, and I need to talk to you about something important to me. I am struggling right now and I need your support and openness to hear me out”.
2. ‘I’ statements: This models how to speak from a feeling place rather than a blaming place. For example “I have been feeling anxious lately, and it’s been very hard to deal with it on my own”.
3. State Specifics: Detail your symptoms. Be clear and concise yet exhaustive. For example “For several weeks, I have felt sad much of the time. My concentration is affected, and I am struggling to find joy in the things I previously enjoyed.
Addressing Their Concerns
Recognize that although you are their child, they are also their unique people. They think differently than you and have been shaped by different experiences than you. Given that understanding, your parents may reach with denial, panic, or confusion. You must remain calm and demonstrate patience. Validate their feelings, and provide reassurance letting them know that you are only sharing this information with them because you want and are open to help. You may say “I know this might feel like all too much and might be difficult to hear, but I want you to know that I want the help, and your support would mean the world to me”.
Summarizing How To Talk To Your Parents About Your Mental Health
Step 1
• Understand your mental health condition.
• Choose the right time to talk.
• Prepare an outline of what to say.
• Practice with a trusted friend or therapist.
• Be clear about your symptoms and needs.
• Approach the conversation with empathy and patience.
Step 2
Step 3
Offer Resources
Give them information about your mental health condition (remember, this is all new to them). Give them pamphlets, websites, video links, or books about your condition, and encourage them to do their research. Allowing your parents to truly be let into your experience will also quell their worries by building confidence through education (Corrigan & Watson, 2002).
Seeking Professional Help Together
If your parents seem to still be struggling try bringing in someone with a professional mental health lens into the mix. Family therapy can provide a really useful, separate space for communication and connection. Evidence suggests that having family members involved in therapy can result in better treatment outcomes for the individual (Diamond et al., 2016).
Closing The Loop And Following Up
After closing out this conversation, ensure to keep in touch! Keep your parents in the loop on how you are doing with regular updates, and likewise check in with them to see how they are doing – systematic check-ins will help grow your relationship and nurture a supportive dynamic.
Choosing to talk to your parents about your mental health is so courageous – and is a testament to your resilience, desire to grow, and mental & spiritual fortitude. Do not let the initial few awkward moments of navigating this conversation deter you from what will be a hugely helpful thing to do. At the end of the day, your parents have immense love for you and only wish to see you flourish. This is the first step in seeing their wishes into reality. Take the leap and be brave, you won’t regret it.
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). [Stress in America: Coping with Change](https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/stress/2016/coping-with-change.pdf).
Chen, S. X., & Mak, W. W. S. (2008). Seeking professional help: Etiology beliefs about mental illness across cultures. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55(4), 442-450. doi:10.1037/a0012898
Inguglia, C., Ingoglia, S., Liga, F., Lo Coco, A., & Lo Cricchio, M. G. (2019). Autonomy and relatedness in adolescence and emerging adulthood: Relationships with parental support and psychological distress. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 28(10), 2848-2859. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-019-01330-x
Kawahara, D. M., & Espín, O. M. (Eds.). (2018). Feminist Therapy with Latina Women: Personal and Social Voices as Healing. Routledge.
Lamb, S., & Peterson, Z. D. (Eds.). (2012). The Cambridge Handbook of Sexual Development: Childhood and Adolescence. Cambridge University Press.
Sue, D. W., Sue, D., Neville, H. A., & Smith, L. (2019). Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and Practice. Wiley.
Authors
Prerna Menon
LCSW | CCTP
Specialties: survivors of childhood sexual abuse & incest survivors, existential crisis, race-based stress, gender identity & sexuality-related conflicts, cross-cultural issues, addiction, international students, family issues & acculturation
Sam Urell
LCSW | CASAC-T | CTP
Specialties: complex trauma, addiction, relationships/attachment, LGBTQIA+ identity issues & exploration, existential crisis, men's mental health, anxiety, mood/emotional dysregulation, psychedelic integration
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