What It Means to Be Queer and South Asian in Today's World - A Queer South Asian Therapists Perspective
- Prerna Menon, LCSW
- Aug 5
- 3 min read
Growing up queer and South Asian often means carrying two invisible burdens: the pressure to honor your family’s "legacy" and the ache of hiding your truth. It means translating not just languages but entire emotional worlds between cultures that often feel at odds.
As a queer South Asian therapist, I’ve sat across from dozens of clients who echo the same quiet questions: “Is there space for me to be who I am without losing where I come from?” “Am I the only one who feels like I’m betraying my family just by existing honestly?”
You’re not alone—and you never were.
Between Belonging and Becoming
In many South Asian cultures, identity is collectivist: who you are is tied to who raised you, what your community thinks, what’s “acceptable.” Queerness, on the other hand, is often framed—wrongly—as a Western concept, a departure from tradition. That leaves many of us suspended between longing for belonging and becoming who we truly are.
But queerness has always existed in our communities, from hijras in South Asian history to queerness embedded in our myths and literature. We are not a “new generation problem.” We are a returning home to something that was always part of us.
Yet today, many queer South Asians still find themselves navigating:
Double coming outs — to friends, partners, and then again to family.
Internalized shame tied to ideas of duty, sacrifice, or fear of “disrespect.”
A longing for community but fear of rejection from both South Asian and queer spaces.
The Mental Health Toll - A South Asian Therapist's Perspective
The mental health impact of this in-betweenness is real. Queer South Asians often report high rates of anxiety, depression, trauma symptoms, and disordered eating—all tied to identity stress, familial rejection, or the chronic exhaustion of code-switching.
Studies have shown that LGBTQ+ youth of color are at increased risk for suicidal ideation and lack of affirming care. For South Asian individuals in particular, the silence around mental health—and around queerness—only compounds this pain.
At Boundless, we work specifically with queer South Asian clients navigating:
Coming out (or not)
Dating, relationships, and boundary setting
Religious and spiritual reconciliation
Family estrangement or repair
Shame, secrecy, and survival patterns
The need to “overachieve” to compensate for queerness
The Power of Culturally Rooted, Queer-Affirming Therapy
Therapy, when done right, isn’t just a space to process—it’s a place to reclaim.
When I work with queer South Asian clients, I don’t assume anything. I don’t expect a big coming-out moment or a neat resolution. What I do offer is space. A space where you don’t have to translate your story. Where you can be messy, grieving, joyful, angry, afraid—and still deeply worthy of care.
We integrate modalities like:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) to navigate the different “parts” of you—like the part that craves acceptance and the part that fears rejection.
DBT & somatic work to help regulate the body when shame takes over.
Narrative therapy to deconstruct inherited messages around gender, love, success, and duty.
Learn more about our approach to trauma-informed therapy.
Being Queer and South Asian Today Means…
Carving out belonging in places you were told didn’t exist.
Mourning what you lost in silence—and still choosing to live fully.
Unlearning and reimagining.
Finding joy in chosen family, in language reclaimed, in queer brown love stories.
It also means being part of something bigger. We are not just “navigating” anymore—we are creating. Writing books, making films, leading movements, becoming therapists, showing up for ourselves and each other.
Final Thoughts
There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling the tension between your queerness and your South Asian identity. That tension exists because our culture has long refused to hold complexity. But you are complex. And beautiful. And whole.
And therapy can be one place to finally exhale.
If you’re looking for a therapist who understands the nuances of both queerness and South Asian identity—not just in theory, but in lived experience—Boundless might be the space for you.
Ready to feel less alone?
Together, we can rewrite the story.
Authors
LCSW | CCTP Specialties: Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, Complex Trauma, Race, Gender &, Sexuality-related Conflicts, Anxiety, Depression & Lack of Fulfillment, Generational Trauma & Family Systems Issues and LGTBQIA+ Relationship Concerns
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Discover the transformative power of therapy today! Explore therapy services tailored to your needs and find culturally sensitive support. Connect with our team of therapists at Boundless and experience the benefits of the right cultural fit. Begin today.
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