Beyond the Baraat: A South Asian Therapist’s Guide to Overcoming Wedding Planning Anxiety
- Prerna Menon, LCSW
- May 29
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 10
It’s wedding season! Whether you are in the throes of planning your own wedding or are closely involved in the planning of somebody else’s wedding, my empathy lies with you. Wedding planning is no joke; it requires grit, resilience, and mental fortitude. It is all kinds of stressful, but does it always have to be?
For many South Asian brides, wedding planning is like an emotional marathon enveloped in couture. Amidst the glitz and glamour are the sleepless nights, family conflict, and stressful guest lists. You are expected to be the excel-savvy organizer, the happy-go-lucky family liaison, the graceful daughter-in-law, and the glowing bride. All while navigating cultural pressures, unsolicited opinions, and intergenerational dynamics.
As a South Asian therapist with a 90% South Asian clientele, it is no surprise to me that many of my clients articulate this period as the most emotionally intense period of their lives.
At Boundless, we help clients navigate pre-wedding overwhelm, life transition, and familial pressures. You are not alone if you feel trapped in overwhelm, panic, anticipatory anxiety, or even detached from what should be a joyful day and experience. Reducing these feelings to being solely attributed to the wedding day would be a disservice. These feelings are attached to what the wedding symbolizes and represents - duty, change, identity, family, and perception. In this contribution to The Borrowed (Committed to transforming the online South Asian luxury consumer experience; The Borrowed was borne out of a desire to make luxury shopping accessible, sustainable and convenient for the modern day woman.) I am going to outline evidence-backed, tangible skills you can use to keep your feet on the ground, and your values close as you prepare for your big day!
1. Name What Is Yours To Hold And What Isn’t
When wedding planning becomes an eddy of mismatched expectations, a psychological concept called the Locus of Control (Rotter, 1966) comes to mind. This concept refers to the degree to which we think we have influence and control over events in our lives. So what does this mean? South Asian brides tend to experience an intense sense of pressure to manage not only their vision for their wedding. But also the desires of their in-laws, extended family, parents, friends, and community. With this many voices in the room, our brides are often left feeling helpless, and as if nothing is within their control. This erroneous assumption leads to anxiety, burnout, and emotional detachment. To get ahead of that -
Here is an exercise for you to try:
Grab a pen and paper and draw out 2 circles. One circle inside the other. In the inner circle, outline what falls within your purview of control. This might be how you communicate with others, the dress you wear, or how you stay connected with your partner. In the outer circle, outline what isn’t in your control. Such as what Rimple Aunty might think of your low-cut blouse, the opinions of that group of people your mom forced you to invite, or the weather. When you notice moments in which you are tempted to manage the expectations of others, bring to mind the inner circle and try to visualize falling back into it. The fact is - you can’t control if the Aunties at your wedding think you should wear red over ivory. But, you can choose how you want to respond to their deliberation - if at all.
2. Boundaries Are Your Friends - Practice Micro -Boundaries that Preserve Your Peace
I can say this first-hand– during South Asian wedding planning, there are a million cooks in the kitchen. Every person has their own opinion or idea of how the night should go. Saying no when things feel this enmeshed can feel challenging, with brides being made to feel as if asserting a preference is in some ways an act of betrayal. However, boundary-setting helps to preserve relationships, not harm them. They don’t always have to look aggressive - they can be merely relational, protective, and loving.
Some examples of what Micro-Boundaries may look like are:
"It makes me so happy to see how excited you are about the decor! Let’s schedule a time when things aren’t so busy to talk about your ideas together."
"I’m taking a step back from wedding tasks this afternoon – I need a breather so I can tackle this refreshed tomorrow morning, but thank you so much for offering to help today!"
Boundaries are not barricades. They are conditions under which connections grow, and relational repair happens (Brown, 2015).
3. Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time – Invite Cognitive Flexibility
You may feel excitement and dread. Joy and Grief. Curiosity and Regret. This isn’t emotional dysfunction, this is emotional integration.
There is an unspoken expectation for South Asian brides to embody poise and grace at all times. This is particularly so when either family is contributing financially to the wedding. However, suppression of emotions has been shown to manifest into internal dissonance which sure-shot worsens anxiety (Gross & Levenson, 1997).
This kind of brewing anxiety, often unconscious, has an unexpected and dangerous way of manifesting. This may look like snapping at a family member or having an emotional outburst. Instead of allowing this unexpected explosion of emotions that ricochet and have a severe relational impact on your family system - it’s important to get ahead of it. Give yourself permission to feel. Start an audio/video journal, use the ”How We Feel App” to identify your emotions, send a 5-minute voice note complaining to your friend, or meet with a therapist weekly to process the harder and more complex feelings.
“I wish I felt less guilty and more excited about my wedding day” or “I’m grieving my independence already” are emotional truths that are valid and deserve space.
4. Befriend Your Nervous System and Utilize Somatic Tools
I won’t get into the boring explanation of how the nervous system operates, but what I will say is - you are denying yourself your biggest superpower by neglecting it. The key to being grounded, and finding calm is recognizing how befriending your nervous system can bring you solace in the toughest moments of chaos. Sleepless nights? Constant fatigue? Ruminating thoughts? This is your nervous system begging for attention and care.
To start this befriending process here are some somatic skills you can utilize in your day-to-day:
The Voo Sound: A low, humming sound from your belly that tones the vagus nerve and signals safety to your body (Porges, 2011). Get comfortable, one hand on your heart, the other on your belly. Close your eyes if it feels safe to do so, or lower your gaze. Take a deep breath in, and as you exhale, say “Voo” as long as you can. Repeat for as long as feels comfortable.
5-4-3-2-1: In moments where you are stuck in an internal cycle of panic, circling through anxious thoughts, tap into an exteroceptive skill like the 5-4-3-2-1 skill. Identify 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.
Orienting: This is another skill you can use when you are experiencing internal overwhelm, not external panic. Turn your head slowly to scan your environment and the people and objects around you. Let your eyes rest on anything that brings calm and peace.
A 5-minute daily practice of the above helps decrease your baseline anxiety. Instead of waking up at a baseline of 100, lowering it to 95 makes a mountain of difference as it inadvertently builds your tolerance for daily stress.
5. Talk To Your Partner – Really, Talk To Your Partner
It’s only normal to get stuck in a repetitive rut of logistics with your partner during this time. However, you’re not just planning an event, you are laying down the foundation of communication and emotional connection for your marriage.
Try engaging in these prompts together:
What is one thing I can do to make you feel more supported and protected this week?
Can you share a difficult moment you had this week during wedding planning?
Think about the friends you feel closest to. Now think about the nature of your relationship. They are someone who holds your fears and vulnerabilities. Hence, we know that – Vulnerability fosters intimacy.
You don’t need to feel the same way about things, but you do need to make space for them as a couple.
6. Curate And Nurture Your Own Pre-Wedding Rituals
It matters how you treat yourself when you are feeling stressed out. While South Asian weddings are rich in tradition and ritual, South Asian brides rarely ever have rituals for themselves.
Some ideas to consider are:
A daily solo walk - technology-free
A weekly friend date
A morning wake-up song you listen to in the shower
A nightly journal entry where there is no structure or purpose, we just let our stream of consciousness flow.
These rituals are anchors, not indulgences. They center you so you can be reminded of who you are beneath the chatter, noise, and chaos.
7. Visualize Who You Want to Be and Consider Who You Are Becoming
The process of wedding planning is logistic-heavy. But stop for a second and as yourself – Am I becoming the partner I want to be? Who am I becoming and do I like this version of me?
Try this visualization:
Find a comfortable seat, close your eyes, and find the natural rhythm of your breath. Imagine it is one-month post-wedding. You are at home, in your body. You are now married to the person you love. How do you want to feel? How do you want to reflect on the month that passed and the wedding day? What boundaries, rituals, habits, and qualities do you want to keep with you? Come back to this image and this feeling whenever you are feeling unsure of a decision. Let it be your guiding compass.
Your big day, your wedding – is a portal, not a performance.
It is a day for you, a day that paves the way for you to emerge a more connected, grounded, and attuned version of yourself. A day that symbolizes who you were, who you are, and who you wish to be.
A day that you want to reflect on fondly - requires a process that honors you, not just the production. Prioritize presence over perfection, self-perception over societal perception, and choice over appeasement.
If you find that the stress feels debilitating and your anxiety doesn’t rest – it’s okay to ask for help. Working with a culturally responsive therapist can be emotionally transformative – you don't have to do this alone.
To wrap up, all I can say is this: I wish you laughter, tranquility, connection, and joy on your big day—and if you can, remember to take up space. You deserve to feel as whole as you look.
References:
Brown, B. (2015). Rising Strong. Spiegel & Grau.
Gross, J. J., & Levenson, R. W. (1997). Hiding feelings: The acute effects of inhibiting negative and positive emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106(1), 95–103.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-Regulation. W.W. Norton.
Rotter, J. B. (1966). Generalized expectancies for internal versus external control of reinforcement. Psychological Monographs: General and Applied, 80(1), 1–28.
Summarizing Beyond the Baraat: A South Asian Therapist’s Guide to Overcoming Wedding Planning Anxiety
Part 1
The Emotional Weight of Wedding Planning
For many South Asian brides, wedding planning isn’t just about logistics — it’s about managing intergenerational expectations, cultural pressures, and emotional overload. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, detached, or anxious, you’re not alone. This period often carries deep symbolic meaning around identity, duty, and change.
Part 2
Grounding Tools to Stay Centered
Use evidence-based strategies like:
Drawing circles to clarify what’s in your control
Practicing gentle boundaries and daily rituals
Engaging in nervous system tools (like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique or the “Voo” sound)
Making space for real conversations with your partner and honoring emotional duality
Part 3
Make This a Portal, Not a Performance
Your wedding is not just an event — it’s a threshold into who you’re becoming. Visualize how you want to feel after it’s over. Let that guide your decisions. Prioritize presence over perfection, and if the weight gets too heavy, consider reaching out. Therapy can help you hold space for yourself in the chaos.
Authors
LCSW | CCTP Specialties: Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Trauma, Complex Trauma, Race, Gender &, Sexuality-related Conflicts, Anxiety, Depression & Lack of Fulfillment, Generational Trauma & Family Systems Issues and LGTBQIA+ Relationship Concerns
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