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Holidays Without a Script: South Asian Therapy for First-Gen Adults Navigating Familial Expectations in NYC

  • Writer: Prerna Menon, LCSW
    Prerna Menon, LCSW
  • 2 days ago
  • 7 min read
Close-up of a person holding their upper arm, reflecting discomfort and emotional tension often tied to familial expectations in NYC | familial expectations nyc - south asian therapy nyc - south asian therapist nyc

For a lot of first-gen South Asian adults in New York, the holidays aren’t just “cozy season.” They’re performance season, overshadowed by familial expectations.


You’re juggling flight prices and PTO, group chats and gift lists, while also bracing for:


“When are you visiting?”


“Why are you staying in New York?”


“When are you getting married / having kids / buying a house?”


On paper, you’re an independent adult. In the family WhatsApp, you’re still someone’s child, expected to plug back into old roles the minute you walk through the door.


South Asian therapy in NYC can be one of the few places you get to say, “This is actually… a lot,” without being told to just be grateful or “enjoy the time.”


Why holidays hit different for first-gen South Asian adults


First-gen immigrants live in a constant tension between collectivist and individualist values. Research shows that immigrants often have to hold loyalty to their culture of origin and adapt to the norms of the host culture, and that this push–pull is linked to stress, depression, and identity conflict.


For South Asian communities specifically, studies have found:


  • High rates of distress and mental health concerns, alongside low help-seeking and high stigma around talking about it.

  • Strong expectations around family loyalty, obligation, and obedience to elders, which can create guilt and emotional conflict when younger adults want different lives.

  • A “good child” narrative—being responsible, high-achieving, and self-sacrificing—that can encourage emotional suppression and burnout.


Now layer on holidays.


Surveys in the U.S. consistently show that stress spikes between November and January, with many adults reporting more anxiety, financial worry, and family conflict during this period. For first-gen South Asians, that stress gets filtered through additional questions:


  • Am I a bad child if I don’t go home?

  • Is it selfish to set boundaries when my parents sacrificed so much?

  • How do I explain that I love them and also can’t do the same script every year?


It’s not just logistics. It’s identity, loyalty, and belonging.


The “good child” meets acculturative stress


Acculturative stress is the psychological strain that comes from adapting to a new culture. Studies on South Asian immigrants link acculturative stress to depression, lower life satisfaction, and conflict with family—especially when children adapt faster than parents.


In practice, holidays become the stage where this shows up most:


  • You want a slower, quieter holiday in NYC because you’re exhausted from law/finance/tech/healthcare. Your family expects you to host, help, and be “on” the entire time you’re home.

  • You’re out, or questioning, or dating someone your family wouldn’t approve of. Being home means either hiding that reality or stepping into constant micro-inquiries.

  • Or you’re managing anxiety, depression, or trauma—and the family belief is still that “we don’t talk about these things,” or that therapy is for “other people.”


A scoping review of South Asian communities in high-income countries found that stigma, silence, and fear of judgment are major barriers to mental health care—and that family dynamics are central to both distress and resilience.


So when you feel dread about going home for the holidays (or guilt about not going), it’s not because you’re ungrateful. You’re responding to very real, very documented pressures.


Guilt, obligation, and “holiday scripts”


Person covering their face with their hands, symbolizing overwhelm and emotional strain around family expectations and identity | familial expectations nyc - south asian therapy nyc - south asian therapist nyc

Many South Asian adults describe a “guilt wall”: as soon as they consider doing something different—staying in NYC, setting a boundary, leaving early—they hit “But they’re my parents.”


Writers and clinicians in South Asian mental health have described “guilt culture”—a pattern where guilt and obligation are used (often unintentionally) to keep children aligned with family norms, even when it harms their well-being.


Around the holidays, that can sound like:


  • “We do this every year, why are you changing now?”

  • “Everyone else’s kids are coming home.”

  • “We only have a few years left; you can’t be that busy.”


None of this negates real love or real sacrifice. But research also shows that when people feel intense filial obligation without enough autonomy, depressive symptoms can increase.


In other words, constantly overriding your own needs to meet family expectations is not sustainable. It has mental health costs.


How can South Asian therapy in NYC help during the holidays?


A South Asian therapist in NYC (or a therapist deeply grounded in South Asian diasporic realities) isn’t going to tell you to cut off your family just to lower your stress. The work is more nuanced: holding your love for them and your responsibility to yourself in the same frame.


In therapy at Boundless, you might:


  • Name the script. Mapping what usually happens when you go home: who asks what, where guilt shows up, where you shut down or explode. Seeing the pattern clearly is often the first relief.

  • Locate the values conflict. Are you staying in a particular holiday pattern out of love, fear, habit, or obligation? What do you actually want the season to mean?

  • Experiment with micro-boundaries. Maybe you still go home, but not for as long. Maybe you stay nearby in NYC and visit for a day. Maybe you skip one event instead of all of them. Boundaries don’t have to be all-or-nothing.

  • Prepare scripts in your own voice. Practicing language that feels like you:

    • “I love you and I’m not able to travel this year. Here’s what I can do.”

    • “I know it’s different from what we’re used to. I’m trying to take care of my health so I can show up better long-term.”

  • Build a parallel holiday tradition. Creating rituals in New York—with friends, partners, chosen family, or even solo—so you’re not only defined by the family script.


Research on culturally responsive, immigrant-informed care suggests that when therapy validates cultural values and supports autonomy, people engage more and report better outcomes.


That’s the goal here: not “westernizing” you, not shaming your family, but helping you navigate two worlds without losing yourself in either.


You’re allowed to write a different holiday story


If you’re a first-gen South Asian adult in NYC, you don’t have a script for this. Your parents didn’t model what it looks like to say, “I need rest,” or “I’m not traveling this year,” or “I can love you and still live differently.”


You’re improvising.


South Asian therapy in NYC—whether with an Indian therapist, a broader South Asian therapist, or another culturally attuned clinician—can give you a space to untangle the guilt, grief, love, and frustration that come up around the holidays. A place where you don’t have to choose between being the “good child” and being a whole person.


You’re allowed to honor your family and your nervous system. You’re allowed to build holidays that actually fit the life you’re living now, not just the one someone imagined for you decades ago.


Find support for the holidays & familial expectations in NYC


Red holiday ornaments on a decorated tree, representing the emotional complexity of navigating family traditions during the holidays | familial expectations nyc - south asian therapy nyc - south asian therapist nyc

Growing up as a first-generation South Asian adult often means the holidays arrive with unspoken rules. Expectations around family roles, marriage, career success, religious traditions, and emotional availability can feel especially heavy in NYC, where you’re balancing cultural loyalty with your own evolving identity. For many first-gen adults, the season brings guilt, resentment, anxiety, or the quiet fear of disappointing the people they love.


At Boundless, we understand how familial expectations in NYC can feel amplified for South Asian first-gen adults, especially during the holidays, when boundaries are tested, and old dynamics resurface. Our therapists offer a culturally responsive, affirming space to unpack family pressure, generational differences, and the emotional strain of always having to “translate” yourself. You don’t have to follow a script that no longer fits. Your needs matter, too.


Here’s how to begin South Asian therapy for navigating familial expectations in NYC:


  1. Schedule a free 25-minute consultation to talk through what the holidays bring up for you, whether it’s family guilt, obligation, people-pleasing, or the pressure to show up in ways that don’t feel authentic.

  2. Book your first South Asian therapy session to explore boundaries, identity conflicts, and the emotional weight of managing family expectations while trying to build your own life in NYC.

  3. Begin therapy with culturally attuned support that honors your first-gen experience and helps you move through the holidays with greater clarity, self-trust, and emotional steadiness, without abandoning yourself to keep the peace.


Additional therapy services from therapists at Boundless


At Boundless, we recognize that healing is not one-size-fits-all. We offer a wide range of therapy services designed to support individuals, couples, and families at different stages of their emotional journey. Our clinicians provide culturally responsive care for South Asian couples, LGBTQ+ individuals, and those navigating trauma, anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.


Our therapists integrate multiple evidence-based approaches, including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (EXRP), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Somatic Experiencing with mindfulness. In addition to individual therapy, we offer group therapy, clinical supervision, professional trainings, and convenient online therapy options, allowing care to remain adaptable, collaborative, and tailored to what works best for you.


Learn more about Prerna Menon: South Asian therapist in NYC


Prerna Menon, LCSW and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, offers warm, trauma-informed care for individuals healing from childhood sexual abuse, incest, substance use concerns, identity struggles, and complex family relationships. She also works with clients impacted by racial stress, questions around gender or sexuality, and the emotional challenges of living between cultures.


References from a South Asian Counselor in NYC


 
 
 

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