Growing Up With Rules, Not Reassurance: South Asian Therapy in NYC for Reparenting From Strict Parents

If you grew up with strict parents, you probably learned to be excellent at something: reading the room. Anticipating reactions. Getting it “right.” In many homes, strictness meant love was real—but conditional. Approval was earned through performance, obedience, or emotional self-erasure.

Research on authoritarian parenting (high control, low warmth) links it with poorer mental health outcomes compared to more supportive, autonomy-granting styles.  A related theme—parental overcontrol—has also been associated with anxiety and depression in emerging adulthood. South Asian therapy for strict parents in NYC can help navigate these challenges.

What strict parenting can do to an adult's nervous system

Even if your parents meant well, strictness can shape adult patterns like:

• Perfectionism + fear of mistakes (“If I mess up, I’m unsafe.”)

• People-pleasing (conflict feels like catastrophe)

• Chronic guilt (boundaries feel like betrayal)

• A loud inner critic (your parent’s voice becomes your internal narrator)

When control and criticism are frequent, kids often adapt by shrinking needs, hiding feelings, or becoming hyper-responsible. Those strategies can “work” in childhood—and quietly sabotage adult intimacy, self-trust, and confidence.

“Reparenting” is a real clinical idea—just not the TikTok version

A lot of the internet uses reparenting to mean “be your own parent.” That can be helpful language, but the strongest clinical anchor is Schema Therapy, where the therapeutic relationship includes limited reparenting: a structured, boundaried way of providing corrective emotional experiences and meeting unmet needs.

This isn’t dependency. It’s precision: the South Asian therapist helps you contact the parts of you that learned “I’m only lovable when I’m perfect,” then builds new emotional learning—without crossing ethical boundaries.

Schema Therapy has a growing evidence base for complex presentations (especially longstanding patterns and personality-related distress). A large randomized clinical trial found that combined individual + group schema therapy outperformed treatment as usual for borderline personality disorder severity.  (That doesn’t mean you need BPD to benefit; it means the model has been tested in high-severity, hard-to-treat contexts.)

What reparenting looks like in real life (for adult children of strict parents)

Reparenting, in practice, often means building internal permission where you never had it.

1) You learn “needs aren’t crimes.”

Strict homes often punish need. Reparenting teaches you to identify needs early (rest, reassurance, autonomy) and respond before you hit resentment or shutdown.

2) You update the rules you inherited.

Old rule: “If they’re disappointed, I’m bad.”

New rule: “Disappointment is allowed. I can still choose myself.”

3) You develop an inner “healthy adult” voice.

Schema work often focuses on strengthening a steady internal guide (not harsh, not indulgent—steady).

A simple reparenting exercise (that doesn’t require you to “heal your inner child” overnight)

Try this three-step prompt once a day for a week:

1. Name the moment: “I feel anxious because I might disappoint someone.”

2. Name the old rule: “Disappointing = danger.”

3. Offer the updated care: “I can tolerate their feelings. I don’t have to abandon myself.”

You’re not trying to become fearless. You’re training self-trust under stress.

But what about my parents—do I have to confront them?

Not necessarily. Reparenting is not a demand that you “go to war” with your family. Sometimes healing is:

• Clearer boundaries.

• Less over-explaining.

• Fewer automatic yeses.

• More emotional differentiation (loving someone without being controlled by them).

And if confrontation is needed, South Asian therapy in NYC can help you do it strategically—without exploding, collapsing, or performing.

Boundless lens: Strict parenting can be culturally complex. In many immigrant and collectivist contexts, strictness is intertwined with protection, survival, and reputation. At Boundless, therapy doesn’t flatten that nuance; it helps you keep what’s meaningful and release what harms you.

Begin reparenting with South Asian therapy for strict parents in NYC

Growing up with strict South Asian parents often meant rules without reassurance. Many adults raised in these environments learned to suppress emotions, fear mistakes, and tie self-worth to obedience or achievement. Over time, this can lead to guilt around boundaries, chronic self-criticism, and difficulty trusting your own needs.

At Boundless, we offer South Asian therapy for strict parents in NYC that supports reparenting and healing from emotional neglect within a cultural context. Our therapists provide a space to unpack how rigid parenting shaped your inner voice and begin building self-compassion, emotional safety, and autonomy.

To begin South Asian therapy for strict parents in NYC:

1. Schedule a free 25-minute consultation to talk about how strict parenting continues to impact your emotional well-being.

2. Begin reparenting-focused South Asian therapy to work through unmet emotional needs, guilt, and self-criticism.

3. Build emotional safety and boundaries through South Asian therapy for strict parents in NYC that honors your cultural background.

You’re allowed to soften. Support can start here.

Compassionate mental health care at Boundless in NYC

At Boundless, we believe therapy should reflect the individuality of each person’s experiences and needs. We provide comprehensive therapy services for individuals, couples, and families, grounded in culturally responsive and affirming care. Our clinicians support South Asian couples, LGBTQ+ clients, and individuals working through trauma, anxiety, depression, and a wide range of emotional challenges.

Our therapists draw from diverse, evidence-based modalities such as EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (EXRP), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), along with somatic and mindfulness-based practices. Beyond individual therapy, Boundless offers group therapy, clinical supervision, professional trainings, and secure virtual therapy options, ensuring care remains flexible, collaborative, and aligned with your therapeutic goals.

Meet Prerna: a South Asian therapist who understands cultural complexity

Prerna Menon, LCSW and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional, provides compassionate therapy for individuals navigating complex trauma, including childhood abuse, addiction, and difficult family dynamics. She also supports clients experiencing racialized stress, exploring gender or sexual identity, and coping with the emotional impact of balancing multiple cultural identities.

References (APA)

• Arntz, A., et al. (2022). Effectiveness of group schema therapy versus treatment as usual for borderline personality disorder: A randomized clinical trial. JAMA Psychiatry. 

• Ding, R., et al. (2022). Parenting styles and health in mid- and late life. BMC Public Health. 

• Jiao, J., et al. (2023). Moderating the association between overparenting and emerging adult mental health. Frontiers in Psychology. 

• Kassis, W., et al. (2025). Parenting style patterns and their longitudinal impact on mental health. Frontiers in Psychiatry. 

• International Society of Schema Therapy (ISST). (n.d.). Limited reparenting.