Reparenting Therapy: Healing Guilt and Embracing Boundaries for South Asians in NYC

Here’s an interesting statistic for you.

1 in 3 South Asian adults who have been to therapy report guilt as a primary emotion for them—even in times of rest. How wild is that?

Most South Asian adults grow up in homes where saying “no” often leads to rejection, reactivity, guilt trips, or disappointment. Boundaries are rarely modeled; instead, they are punished.

These dynamics and patterns are inherited and manifest years later in unexpected ways. For example, people-pleasing, overachievement, perfectionism, burnout, and uncertainty in making authentic decisions can all stem from these early experiences.

As a South Asian-owned therapy practice in New York, Boundless has supported over 150 South Asians with stories like these. We specialize in helping first-generation adults navigate these deeply ingrained patterns through a trauma-informed and culturally responsive lens.

Imagine a world where honoring yourself and your parents doesn’t have to be in conflict. A world where you can hold space for both boundaries and connection.

In this blog, we will explore how reparenting and south asian therapy for adults in NYC can empower you to untangle love from guilt and care from obligation. You will learn how to say no without shame. We will also discuss how therapy can help you show up in the world with more self-trust, clarity, and freedom.

Understanding Guilt and Obligation in South Asian Families

To break this down, let’s consider the traditional concept of “Seva,” or “Selfless service.” This Sanskrit word has roots in Hinduism and Sikhism, describing selfless action without reward. In modern times, it has come to mean selfless dedication to others. Unfortunately, this noble idea has been distorted in today's society. Instead of being a heart-led, voluntary act, it has morphed into a stoic expectation. One must always put others first, including parents, societal perceptions, and family.

“Personal needs should be sacrificed for love, and choosing to do otherwise is deemed selfish.”

The pressure to be a “good child” equates to being obedient, emotionally attuned to others, and self-sacrificing—even at the cost of your own well-being. Guilt is often weaponized by elders to enforce family commitment and loyalty. Over time, this quest to be the "dutiful" one breeds resentment and leads to disconnection from family and culture, particularly among immigrant families.

What Is Reparenting Therapy in NYC—and Why It Works

Reparenting therapy is immensely effective in healing emotional wounds, particularly for those who felt their emotional needs were neglected as children. This therapeutic approach empowers adults to reconnect with and heal past emotional wounds. Our parents did the best they could with what they knew. However, even good people can benefit from reparenting themselves by exploring how childhood experiences have impacted their present-day emotional experiences, relationships, and patterns.

Reparenting therapy invites you to meet the emotional needs your younger self never had the chance to express—without shame or blame. Through inner child work, clients learn to recognize patterns formed in childhood and offer themselves the care, boundaries, and validation they may have longed for. It’s not about dwelling in the past but about creating internal safety and self-trust in the present.

For South Asian adults, this process can be especially powerful when approached through a culturally responsive lens. This lens acknowledges the tension between collectivist values and individual needs, honors loyalty to family, and still makes room to heal from guilt, suppression, and emotional neglect.

Why Saying ‘No’ Feels Unsafe—And How to Reclaim It

For many adults, particularly South Asian adults, saying no doesn’t feel like boundary-setting. Instead, it feels like disappointing or letting someone down. The nervous system registers boundary-setting as a threat, evoking anger, guilt-tripping, or punishment. This fear often results in the “fawn response,” where people-pleasing becomes a survival strategy. The belief is, “as long as I do what they want, I will be safe.”

South Asian therapy teaches clients how to practice micro-boundaries—small, powerful “no’s” in the safety of the therapeutic relationship. Over time, clients learn to reframe “no” as an act of self-preservation rather than selfishness. Soothing the wound that birthed people-pleasing involves rewriting emotional scripts that previously equated “love” with self-abandonment.

Steps to Reclaiming Your “No”

• Begin with Micro-Boundaries: Start by practicing saying no to small, low-stakes requests. This builds confidence and safety in your body.

• Recognize Guilt as a Passing Emotion: Notice when guilt arises and remind yourself it’s a learned response—not a moral truth.

• Create a “No” Script: Use clear, kind language like “That doesn’t work for me right now” to assert boundaries without over-explaining.

  
  

What Reparenting Looks Like in Therapy for South Asians at Boundless

Initial Sessions: Naming Guilt and Identifying Roles

We begin by exploring family dynamics, gathering familial history, identifying emotional roles (like caretaker or peacekeeper), and uncovering the origins of guilt or obligation.

Middle Phase: Roleplaying, Boundary Setting, and Emotional Self-Regulation Skill Building

With safety established, clients start setting small boundaries in their daily lives and practice using tools to regulate their nervous systems in real-time.

Advanced Work: Grief, Healing Rupture, Fostering Repair, and Reclaiming Joy

This phase often involves grieving unmet needs, holding space for your younger self, reworking self-beliefs, identifying and reframing negative core beliefs, and allowing space for pleasure, rest, and self-trust.

Integrated Tools: Somatic Work, IFS Parts Work, and Narrative Reframing

Sessions may include body-based grounding, inner child/parts dialogue, and rewriting internalized stories to support healing and autonomy.

Closing Thoughts from a South Asian Therapist in NYC

As we conclude, I hope you truly hear this in your soul. If you have spent your life putting others first, abandoning yourself, and feeling guilty for needing anything, please know this: You are not broken, you are not alone, and you have survived the worst. The younger version of you did the best they could to bring you to this present moment. Reparenting therapy offers you a second chance to rewrite those patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you with clarity, choice, and compassion.

This week, try saying no to something—anything! Notice what comes up and honor it with compassion, strength, curiosity, and kindness.

If you would like a helping hand through your journey, our team of passionate therapists is here to support you along the way.

Begin Your Journey with Reparenting Therapy in NYC

If guilt, obligation, or the inability to say “no” has shaped your adult life, know that you don’t have to continue carrying those patterns alone. At Boundless, reparenting therapy in NYC can help you rewrite those early lessons. You will gain tools to set boundaries, honor your needs, and build a more compassionate relationship with yourself. With the right support, healing is possible—and you deserve that freedom.

Here’s how to begin working with our team:

1. Schedule a consultation to connect with a reparenting therapist in NYC and share your goals and challenges.

2. Book your first south asian therapy session and start exploring how old family dynamics show up in your present life.

3. Begin the healing process of setting boundaries, releasing guilt, and learning to say “no” without shame.

   
   

Other Therapy Services Provided by Boundless Therapy

At Boundless, we provide a wide range of therapy services designed to meet the unique needs of individuals, couples, and families. Our offerings include specialized counseling for South Asian couples, LGBTQ+ clients, and those navigating challenges such as trauma, anxiety, and depression.

Our team draws from evidence-based methods including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (EXRP), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Somatic Experiencing with mindfulness. In addition, we offer group therapy opportunities, professional clinical supervision, and education, as well as convenient online therapy options for accessible care from anywhere.

Meet the Author: Compassionate South Asian Therapist in NYC

Prerna Menon is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional specializing in working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse and incest. She also supports clients navigating existential crises, race-based stress, gender and sexuality concerns, addiction, and family or cross-cultural challenges. With a deep understanding of the unique pressures faced by international students and those balancing multiple identities, Prerna provides compassionate, trauma-informed care that honors each client’s lived experience.