Healing from Guilt and Obligation: South Asian Reparenting Therapy in NYC for Adults Who Were Never Allowed to Say No

Here’s an interesting statistic for you.

1 in 3 South Asian adults who have been to therapy report guilt as a primary emotion for them - even in times of rest. How wild is that!

Most South Asian adults have grown up in homes where saying “no” often resulted in rejection, reactivity, guilt trips, or disappointment. Boundaries were not modeled. They were punished.

These dynamics and patterns are inherited and show up years later in unexpected ways. For example, people pleasing, overachievement, perfectionism, burnout, and uncertainty in making authentic decisions.

As a South-Asian owned therapy practice in New York, Boundless has supported one too many South Asians (150 +) with stories like the above. We specialize in helping first-gen adults navigate these deeply ingrained patterns through a trauma-informed and culturally responsive lens.

Imagine a world in which honoring yourself and honoring your parents didn’t have to be in conflict? A world in which you can hold space for boundaries and connection.

In this blog, we will explore how reparenting and south asian therapy for adults in NYC can empower you to untangle love from guilt, care from obligation - and finally, say no without shame. We will also discuss how therapy can help you to show up in the world with more self-trust, clarity, and freedom.

Understanding Guilt and Obligation in South Asian Families

To break this down, we are going to call to mind the traditional concept of “Seva” aka “Selfless service”. This Sanskrit word finds its roots in Hinduism and Sikhism, describing selfless action without reward. Modernly, it is seen as be selfless dedication to others. Unfortunately, this noble idea has been distorted in today's society. Instead of it being a heart-led, voluntary, and truly selfless act, it has morphed into a stoic expectation. One must always put others first, which includes your parents, societal perception, and family.

“Personal needs should be sacrificed for love, and choosing to do otherwise is deemed selfish”.

The pressure to be a “good child” equates to being obedient, emotionally attuned to others, and self-sacrificing - even at the cost of yourself. Guilt is unconsciously weaponized by elders to enforce family commitment and loyalty. Over time, this quest to be the "dutiful" one breeds resentment and results in disconnection from one's family and culture - particularly among immigrant families.

What Is Reparenting Therapy in NYC—and Why It Works

Reparenting therapy is immensely effective in healing emotional wounds, particularly amongst folks who felt like their emotional needs were neglected as children. This therapeutic approach empowers adults to reconnect and heal past emotional wounds. As we all know, our parents did the best they could with what they knew. However, even good people reparent themselves by exploring how past experiences, particularly those of childhood parenting, have impacted their present-day emotional experiences, relationships, and patterns.

Reparenting therapy invites you to meet the emotional needs your younger self never had the chance to express—without shame or blame. Through inner child work, clients learn to recognize patterns formed in childhood and offer themselves the care, boundaries, and validation they may have longed for. It’s not about dwelling in the past, but about creating internal safety and self-trust in the present.

For South Asian adults, this process can be especially powerful when done through a culturally responsive lens—one that acknowledges the tension between collectivist values and individual needs, honors loyalty to family, and still makes room to heal from guilt, suppression, and emotional neglect.

Why Saying ‘No’ Feels Unsafe—And How to Reclaim It

For many adults, particularly South Asian adults, saying no doesn’t feel like boundary setting - but rather, it feels like disappointing or letting someone down. The nervous system then registers boundary setting as a threat, something that has historically evoked anger, guilt tripping, or punishment. Hence, this fear often results in the “fawn response," aka people pleasing. Pleasing people becomes your nervous system's survival strategy - “as long as I do what they want, I will be safe”.

South asian therapy teaches clients how to practice micro-boundaries - powerful but small nos in the safety of the therapeutic relationship. Over time, clients learn to reframe “no” as an act of self-preservation rather than selfishness. Soothing the wound that birthed people pleasing looks like rewriting emotional scripts that previously equated “love” with self-abandonment.

In summary...

• Begin with micro-boundaries – Practice saying no to small, low-stakes things to build confidence and safety in your body.

• Guilt is a passing emotion, not a mandate to act – Notice when guilt shows up, and remind yourself it’s a learned response—not a moral truth.

• Create a “No” script – Use clear, kind language like “That doesn’t work for me right now” to assert boundaries without over-explaining.

What Reparenting Looks Like in Therapy for South Asians at Boundless

Initial sessions: Naming guilt and identifying roles.

We begin by exploring family dynamics, gathering familial history, identifying emotional roles (like the caretaker or peacekeeper), and the origins of guilt or obligation.

Middle phase: Roleplaying, boundary setting, and emotional self-regulation skill building.

With safety established, clients start setting small boundaries in their day-to-day life and practice using tools to regulate the nervous system in real time.

Advanced work: Grief, healing rupture, fostering repair, and reclaiming joy.

This phase often involves grieving unmet needs, holding space for your younger self, reworking self-beliefs, identifying and reframing negative core beliefs, and allowing space for pleasure, rest, and self-trust.

Integrated tools: Somatic work, IFS parts work, and narrative reframing.

Sessions may include body-based grounding, inner child/parts dialogue, and rewriting internalized stories to support healing and autonomy.

Closing Thoughts from a South Asian Therapist in NYC

As we close, I hope you truly hear this in your soul. If you have spent your life putting others first, abandoning yourself, and feeling guilty for needing anything, please know this: You are not broken, you are not alone, and you have survived the worst. Young you did the best they could to bring you here to this present moment. Reparenting therapy offers you a second chance at rewriting those patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you with clarity, choice, and compassion. So this week, try saying no to something, anything! Notice what comes up, and honor it with compassion, strength, curiosity, and kindness.

If you would like a helping hand through your journey, our team of passionate therapists is here to support you along the way.

Begin Your Journey with Reparenting Therapy in NYC

If guilt, obligation, or the inability to say “no” has shaped your adult life, know that you don’t have to continue carrying those patterns alone. At Boundless, reparenting therapy in NYC can help you rewrite those early lessons, offering tools to set boundaries, honor your needs, and build a more compassionate relationship with yourself. With the right support, healing is possible—and you deserve that freedom.

Here’s how to begin working with our team:

1. Schedule a consultation to connect with a reparenting therapist in NYC and share your goals and challenges.

2. Book your first south asian therapy session and start exploring how old family dynamics show up in your present life.

3. Begin the healing process of setting boundaries, releasing guilt, and learning to say “no” without shame.

Other Therapy Services Provided by Boundless Therapy

At Boundless, we provide a wide range of therapy services designed to meet the unique needs of individuals, couples, and families. Our offerings include specialized counseling for South Asian couples, LGBTQ+ clients, and those navigating challenges such as trauma, anxiety, and depression.

Our team draws from evidence-based methods including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (EXRP), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Somatic Experiencing with mindfulness. In addition, we offer group therapy opportunities, professional clinical supervision and education, as well as convenient online therapy options for accessible care from anywhere.

Meet the Author: Compassionate South Asian Therapist in NYC

Prerna Menon is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Certified Clinical Trauma Professional specializing in working with survivors of childhood sexual abuse and incest. She also supports clients navigating existential crises, race-based stress, gender and sexuality concerns, addiction, and family or cross-cultural challenges. With a deep understanding of the unique pressures faced by international students and those balancing multiple identities, Prerna provides compassionate, trauma-informed care that honors each client’s lived experience.